When Positivity Becomes Negativity

Have a read of this wonderful blog Kerry wrote -

We’re familiar with the phrases “good vibes only” and “stay positive” but sometimes these are doing us more harm than good! In an ideal world everything would be sunshine and rainbows and we would all be happy. However, as humans we are programmed with a range of emotions and happiness is only one of them. So, we are going to take a look at toxic positivity.

Just what is toxic positivity?

Put simply it’s the belief that we always have to stay in a positive mindset, no matter what problems or heartache we are facing. Now positivity is a great mindset to have and is known to have a good effect on our mental wellbeing, but toxic positivity is taking this to the extreme and denying ourselves feeling a range of emotions. Most people probably don’t realise that they are engaging in this behaviour and feel that they are helping people. For example, you lose your job and get told don’t worry about it something else will turn up or your problems getting compared to another is an example. You’re talking about losing your job just to hear well such a body has it worse because x has happened to them. This may have no malice and be well meaning but straight away you feel guilty for having your emotions and in turn feel worse. An instance I remember for myself, which is many years ago but still sticks in my mind is being upset after a breakup. Now I had lost my brother a few years previous and was asked why are you so upset? You lost your brother and that’s worse than this and you got through that. Immediately you’re made to feel that you can never be emotional over something again because you’ve been through worse! That is not helpful at all. You end up feeling guilty for feeling the way you do and walk away feeling worse!

So good vibes are great, and a positive mindset is fantastic, however it’s not possible to stay in this state permanently as life has a habit of throwing curve balls our way and unsettling this. If you are feeling upset, angry or deflated allow yourself to experience this feeling. We can learn a lot about ourselves and others by feeling a range of emotion and in turn one day we maybe able to help others who are where we have been.

This is how I’ve found meditation and mindfulness such a big help in life. By really working with yourself and taking the time to focus on you is so rewarding. Depending on your mood different methods work better, if you need a self confidence boost, I find mantra meditation amazing as you can create your own that really resonates with you. If I’m having a stressful time, then focusing on the breath is fantastic as it’s so calming. Even a candle mediation of focusing on the flame is great. There’s no limit to what you can do, you are steering the ship, and this is your life so remember your feelings are never unjustified as no one else is you and living your life. We can’t be perfect all of the time and our experiences are what shapes us.

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